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I am nice, friendly, fun, thoughtful, humble, harmless, happy and hopeful. Sort of like the Dali Lama only with a better tan.

I think I decided tonight that I’d really, really like NOT to spend another birthday browsing dating profiles.

ianhollander

I also have very versatile hair, which is obviously a huge reason to say hi.

I would also like to say that if I’ve looked at your profile a bunch of times, I’m really not stalking you. I just have a really bad short term memory and way too much free time. Plus people keep changing up their primary profile pic, and once you realize you’re looking at the same person again, you’re overtaken with that sinking feeling that it’s already too late. Then you consider setting your profile to “private” for a few hours just to avoid appearing creepy, yet, it feels like a whole lot of heavy lifting and way too much extra work, and the whole shame spiral thing begins and you go back to eating stale tortilla chips, watching Dexter re-runs and wondering what happened to your life.

Be honest – that’s happened to you too.

I’m a good listener, a very good tennis player, I dress well and most parents like me after the 2nd or 3rd visit.

I also decided I don’t want to waste another Saturday night watching “Celebrity Ghost Story” reruns, either…..but that’s something I’m going to have to deal with on my own.

You know you have a problem when you watch the one with lead singer of Motley Crue twice. (in one night)

I’m just too lazy to even turn the channel anymore.

It wasn’t even believable…..there weren’t any witnesses, plus he’s doing all sorts of drugs the whole time, who knows that it wasn’t all one big hallucination?

I just don’t buy it.

Scott Baldwin’s story was much better.

Speaking of ghost stories, I got a ouija board for Chanukah this year.

It’s amazing how the little pointer thingy moves around on it’s own, even though I’m barely touching it.

It makes me a bit suspcious that it’s spelling seems to get worse the more I drink though, but otherwise it’s still pretty cool.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, even if you don’t think we’d be a good match, but you have some ouija experience, feel free to write.

I really love the freedom that comes with knowing that no one is reading this far down.

It’s very empowering.

I’ve been arrested more than once.

I occassionally shoplift.

I sometimes cry for no reason. This is actually quite freeing. I’ll get back to this in a few minutes.

I self published 3 pretty successful books in the last 12 months, which unfortunately is 2 and a half more than I’ve read.

I like to think I’m a lot like Eckhart Tolle, if only he was taller, and a much better tennis player. (it turns out in person, he’s super short, has a terrible backhand, wears this weird scottish hat thingy that makes it really difficult to concentrate while serving and shouts “it’s always NOW” when you ask him the score.

Anyway – after re-reading this a few times, I also decided i’m not a big fan of starting sentences with “I”.

To be honest, I was thinking about pretending that i asked a friend to describe me – but when i see other people that always feels sad and sneaky and probably totally made up to me.

It’s sort of creepy, right? I mean, when was the last time someone asked you to describe them in 2000 words or less? It doesn’t happen often, if ever – and if it did – if probably means you are hanging out with felons who need something for court.

There is a lot of freedom that comes with this bottom half part of the profile – no one ever reads this far down. You can really say whatever comes to mind and nobody will judge you – which is very freeing and empowering, you should try it.

I once had a federal tax lien. I occasionally shoplift. I cry often and ocassionally sleep till 11am. ( on weekdays. )

I love fruity candy like dots, mike and ike’s starburst and laffy taffy, which i often eat quickly in local parking lots. (See the shoplifting thing above) I’m trying to think of what else. I will get back to this after I finish the rest of this bottle of wine.

I think I decided I’m not a good match, for Match. I’m not sure why. Okay, I am pretty sure why. First of all, I get very little new mail. Ocassionally I’ll get a wink from someone in the Ukraine, but I’m pretty sure they’re fake.

Between you and I, I’m probably a better fit for one of those specialty sites that caters more to the artistic entrepreneurial types who are unusually sexy for their age.

Anyway, I know you stopped reading way up around the shoplifting thing. I don’t blame you. Who wants to worry every time they walk into CVS that they could be an accessory to petty theft? I know I don’t.

PS:

( I hope no one minds I’m using the ” about me” from my Match.com Profile….)

I am also an excellent tennis player in case you were wondering.

33 Comments About Me

Leave a Reply

  1. Hi Ian,
    I saw your article on how to build a hyper profitable coaching business from scratch. I was really impressed and I have also contacted you on your facebook. I am just starting my own home based part time life and business coaching and consulting business. I am looking to start with my first client. I just wanted to ask should I coach for free for the first year. or look at ways of charging clients. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Great blog and website by the way.
    Kind Regards and Best Wishes
    Rajesh Malhotra
    R.S.V.P.
    P.S. I am based in the U.K.

    1. ian

      Hi Rajesh – Thanks! And as far as the free coaching goes, I think that incorporating some sort of free exploratory offer into your suite of services is a really good idea, but not beyond a single session – and certainly not for a lengthy period of time per your question. There are tons and tons of compelling reasons to use “free” as a way of demonstrating your unique value and experience and compatability with clients……while there are tons and tons of other compelling reasons to NOT use “free” as a crutch (for your clients, or for yourself) – and i think that this is a really delicate balancing act for all of us in this space. I am going to record an audio and write about this from my own evolving experience with a new service I’m offering in a brand new niche where there is a lot of “free” competition (far outside of the entrepreneurial niche) – so hopefully folks will find that helpful as well!

  2. Andy E

    Man, you work is awesome. Your writing, and your blog overall is an inspiration. Great job Ian. I’ll be sure to be back to your site more often.

    1. ianrosshollander

      Thanks, Andy!

  3. ian

    Thanks, Teddy – a bit of a break while I work on some other stuff…..but I appreciate you noticing! (and you should have gotten an email/update the day before yesterday as well) πŸ™‚

  4. Teddy

    where have you been? havent seen anything since march 23rd. miss u buddy

  5. Eric Lolmaugh

    Offer For Ian Ross Hollander

    Hi

    I am interested in sending you my own written high quality unique content for your profile and I will need a link back to my client’s site, I am interested in sending you 10 articles per month as I got many clients interested in advertising on your website. I can offer you $10 per article and this will be an ongoing project. I hope this makes sense. Please let me know if you are willing to work on a long term relationship.

    Remember it is a 10 articles/month deal.
    ——————-


    Best Regards

    Eric Lolmaugh

    eric.lolmaugh@gmail.com

  6. Gloria Salazar-Morris

    Hey Ian, I stumbled upon this actual profile page of yours after reading some of the blogs you told me to check out. There is some good stuff in there.

    Maybe you had a calling of celebrity status- charm, great voice and nice looks, but please don’t leave us until we have learned everything you have already forgotten.

    Match.com? Really? No that I certainly do not belive. πŸ˜‰

  7. Frank

    Ian,

    A quick note to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

    “GOD” bless you, and stay well Amigo.

    Respectfully Yours,
    Frank.

  8. I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

    1. ian

      Thanks, painting contractor in modesto, for the nice and inspirational words. While I do realize that you are just a spambot, and ordinarily I wouldn’t approve your comment, today…….your flattering comment arrived at just the moment when I needed a little pick me up. And I guess, while I realize you didn’t read any of my other posts, and you probably didn’t even read my about me – because….well, spambots don’t have little working eyes or even little braile pixel readers or something if that was possible for annoying automated scripts, I strangely feel like you are actually ok…deep down where it counts. and if things were different, if I wasn’t one of the quasi sorta kinda good guys and you weren’t sorta kinda a big time stealing pain in the ass- I might like you. Maybe we’ll meet again – in different circumstances – and realize for all our differences, we have more in common than we thought. Until then, keep up the good work, and may you get all the available paint jobs in modesto, and beyond.

  9. Your about me page is sick Ian! hahaha! Yeah… what happened to your optin form? I’m planning to send my beloved subscribers to your site so they can absorb the awesome stuff that you’ve been teaching. Anyway keep up the good work and keep on rocking!

  10. Hey Ian – I seem to have fallen off your mailing list and in the rush I’m in, I can’t find a way to get back on, have I missed the sign up box? Looked over the home page.
    Btw really like the stuff you’re writing at the moment and it’s exactly what I’m after right now.
    Thanks.
    Pollyanna
    ps. I’d love to coach you.

  11. Herm

    Your writing style is unique and humorous. It makes me laugh. We need more witty marketers in the world!
    I have bookmarked your blog so I can keep up.

    1. ian

      Thank you, Herm! Did you know you have the SAME email address as one of my closest friends who apparently has too much free time & an obvious bit of insomnia? Very strange!

  12. Rashida

    Have you started your coaching services yet and what rate do you charge? Thanks.

  13. Ron

    Ian,

    I found your through the Potpiegirl ebook.

    One question, Can I use article marketing for my CPA offers?

    I enjoyed you insight on how to write articles that convert.

    I am going to use Bum marketing to promote my CPA offers.

    1. ian

      Hi Ron – sorry if I didn’t reply to this sooner……(I thought I did!) Yes – you can use articles for CPA offers and they work quite well for this style “sell” for sure.

      (although you have to be a bit careful of the “free trial” offers, as a lot of those kinds of products are getting a ton of negative press, and even some law enforcement attention – as some of the folks behind those products are criminals and deserve to be fed acai berry smoothies until they turn purple and explode)

  14. Marilyn

    I would like a session of coaching but already have hosting. Can I just pay you outright? πŸ™‚

    1. ian

      Hi Marilyn – sorry – your comment got “caught” in my spam filter – so I didn’t see it for a few days..:-) I appreciate you asking – I’m way too backlogged right now as is – and the Lunar Pages offer was designed with a specific purpose in mind – and a certain commission threshold I wanted to meet on the parent network for some other incentives. ( and not so much for the “fee” so to speak…hence I’m not taking outright pay for this – which I guess sounds pretty strange – but there is a method to my madness…:-)

      I will be offering a coaching program at some point shortly – I’ve been putting it off until I can really dedicate myself to the process a bit more – but it’s coming! (plus even if it’s not a good fit for you I’ve got lots and lots of other good free stuff to share – I just need to sit down and finish it all up!..:-)

  15. Hi Ian,

    Can’t find another place to ask this. Maybe you’ll find it and respond: how best to start with WordPress? WordPress Goldmine, something else, nothing.

    Thanks.

    1. ian

      Hi Paul –

      I don’t really know what you mean “start with wordpress” – You just install wordpress – pick a theme – and start posting content! If you are asking about tutorials to learn wordpress – there are lots of them – paid and free alike – lots of free videos can be found at places like tubetorial/youtube – etc – but in general – it’s pretty self explanatory stuff – and quite easy as well – especially if you aren’t doing anything more complex like running a data feed style site, etc. (which is also pretty easy, too!)

  16. Gina

    Hi Ian,

    I’m a newbie, been trying to figure out all this IM stuff for a few months now. I joined Wealthy Affiliate but there are way too many distractions on that site, which I hadn’t really realized until I sat down and started to soak in all the great information you provide.

    Content creation has been my biggest stumbling block, but after reading what you wrote about re-purposing – WOW! A giant light bulb went off in my head… now I FEEL like I can really do this! Which is a huge turning point for me. So I would like to offer you a big virtual hug… did you feel it? And a heartfelt THANK YOU for being all that you are.

    Gina (flourishing Internet Marketer)

    P.S. You should add to your bio that people find you to be an inspirational teacher… Because you are πŸ™‚

    1. ian

      Thank You, Gina – that’s very nice of you to say, glad to help and I DO appreciate it..:-)

      (And ironically I just finished writing something new on content re-purposing which should be up in about 24 hours..:-)

  17. ian

    Thanks, Tammi – nice of you to say, and I appreciate it!

  18. Tammi

    Ian, I have just read Life Mastery Labs and enjoyed it. I will be implementing some of your suggestions for some articles I plan to start on today. I am new at this and hope I do your advice justice.

    I admire your attitude and your smart humorous writing style.

    I have bookmarked your blog so I can keep up.

    Tammi

  19. Will

    This intrest me alot. I need some coaching tho. Mind to help?

  20. ian

    Hi Colin – Thanks..:-)

    And I would just recommend you check out the free stuff that will be on the blog in the coming weeks – I will be offering some more intensive one on one coaching in a month or so, ( and covering far more strategy than just article marketing, which is just a small piece of the puzzle) but it will be on the expensive side, and probably won’t be cost appropriate for most of the people who are reading the blog.

    Most of the stuff I use in my own business can be read here for free – so that’s my best advice if you are just getting started.

    πŸ™‚

  21. I would like to have had some more insight and understanding of article writing and would have happily subscribed to your affiliate link, but as I have already have an account for which I signed up to, it would be foolish of me to do so. Having said that I would have like to have benefited from your undoubted skills. Have you got some suggestions how that might be possible for some sad old git?

  22. Jordan

    People, do not be fooled. It’s clear from even superficial analysis that this man’s tanning speed is only *slightly above average*.

  23. Marc at EzineArticles

    Ian,

    Thanks for being part of the April 1st fun on the EzineArticles blog! =D

    Marc

    1. ian

      Does this mean I’m not being flown in for the race?

      πŸ™‚

      Glad to help – it’s very good! ( and funny..:-)

  24. U sound like a really cool guy. And very cute by the way! πŸ˜‰ I am just looking into u r program just doing research at the moment. I need to know what to do know that my site is up. Still needs a little to be change not much tho. Need to add my biography next ect…. still playing around with price as well. Well cutie thank you for being in my life for a few seconds of extasy! LOL

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