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One of my favorite ways to start my morning these days is to browse some of the self published superstars on Amazon and see what trends are worth watching.

It’s like competitive intelligencia for the creatively challenged – a group with which, unfortunately I’m finding myself aligned with these days.

And everyone loves a list.

Lists attract a crowd.  And as content creators – a crowd is what we crave.

Amazon authors love lists too. 

It saves having to actually write a book – which is the hard part of writing a book.

If you can capture 101 ways to do something – you’ve got a bestselling book buried in your brain.

And the truth is, most of the 101 ways to do what you know how to do can probably suck….and you’ve still got a book.

Believe me when I tell you – I’ve spent the last hour finding 101 ways to lose 10 pounds (I probably need to pack on 10), 101 ways to cook Chili, 101 ways to tell if you’re a genius (I stopped reading after missing the first 7) and 101 ways to tell if you’re going to stay single forever.  (I just broke the bad news to my parents, and they simply said 2 out of 3 aint’ bad)

My favorite list of 101 ways to do anything this morning is ordering a pizza.

And I know that my maturity level is somewhere on the totem pole of a 10 year old…..but some of these made me spit up a chunk of pepperoni.

(which is odd considering I’m a vegetarian)

# Stop them in mid-sentence and tell them you’ll call back after they’ve learned a little respect.# When they ask where to deliver it, give them their address. Insist it’s your address.# As they start to repeat the order, say, “Oh wait just a second. I suppose I should get this on tape.”# Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.# Tell them to put the crust on top this time.# Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” CD.# Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.# Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.# Make a list of exotic cuisine. Order them as toppings.# Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.# Rent a pizza.# Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

101 Ways to Order a Pizza


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I am an author, artist and entrepreneur. My 2 passions are writing about, and teaching Marketing and Meditation. I like to think I'm a lot like Eckhart Tolle, if only he was taller, and a much better tennis player. (it turns out in person, he's super short, has a terrible backhand and wears this weird scottish hat thingy that makes it really difficult to concentrate while serving) Plus he refuses to keep score and says " it's always NOW" when you ask who is up. Enough about me. We barely know each other. Stop staring. You're making me nervous.