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The Art of Outrageousness – What Online Dating Taught me About Killer Copy That Converts Like Crazy (No Gurus Required)
I lead a pretty lonely life. I spend long hours working alone, watch far too much CNN, and don’t get out nearly enough for a single guy with very versatile hair and a killer collection of cool smoking jackets that many women really love.
Last year, to sort of celebrate this lonely and monk like existence, and to make my Mom happy, I decided to join Match.Com
Now – I’m going to admit up front – I thought I was going to have a super easy time with the whole online dating thing.
I’m reasonably photogenic, already spend plenty of time online, and have pretty low standards with who I’m willing to date, or what I’ll accept in a mate.
Be drama free, attractive, no ex’s getting out of prison any time soon, clean the bong occasionally, and be cool with the fact that I enjoy a woman who doesn’t mind dressing up as little Bo Peep on special occasions like Halloween, Hanukkah and Valentines day.
Online dating success seemed to be as MUCH of a sure fire certainty as the 8 emails you KNOW you’re going to have in your inbox about the next Stompernet Screwing that’s coming in time for the holidays.
But guess what?
It wasn’t. I got almost no "new mail" at all. After like 2 weeks or so, it literally seemed like I might have to take Match.Com up on their "you are a loser" here is your money back guarantee.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You find this whole thing hard to believe.
You’re thinking -
"But how could you have gotten no mail? You’re smart, funny, your super sexy, you have charisma, charm, you respond to most of your blog comments and you’re just seem like a super great catch across the board"
And your right.
I agree with you 100%.
It doesn’t add up and you’re preaching to the choir.
I’m as shocked as you are.
And to be honest - I’ve always liked you too and it’s a shame we don’t live closer, or that your husband checks your email.
But the truth is, the truth……..and a Match.Com reject I certainly was.
I tried everything. I added more pictures. I added more to my profile. I subtracted. I made myself an inch taller and 5 years younger. Still no new mail.
Quite simply…..after 30 long days, I was an online dating failure and a long and ignominious future of celibacy and phone sex seemed more and more likely.
But then I started thinking.
You know what? What would I do if I was trying to sell more stuff online? I’d say something a bit more interesting, right? I HATE average and ordinary online……because it’s BORING and forgettable.
And it’s the #1 reason why MOST people will never be successful. Not because they don’t know enough. Or not because they’re not SMART enough. But because EVERYONE takes the very same road less traveled and ends up at the very same silly spot.
Why would I settle for the same slop when it comes to selling the most VALUABLE commodity I’ve got? (ME!?!)
So here is what I did. And I’m going to actually SHOW you the two different profiles I had posted. The first – no responses. The SECOND…..I had so MANY responses I literally couldn’t keep up. (and they starting coming within an hour of "approval"….and didn’t let up for a good 2 months straight)
The underlying "asset" being "sold" hadn’t changed at all. (yours truly)
But my CONVERSION percentage went through the roof.
(Please note: when mentioning the phrase "conversion percentage" on the dates themselves, my actual conversion percentage went right back down to zero. And a few people actually walked out early. But that’s a different lesson for an entirely different time)
Dating Profile #1
I am single, successful, friendly, athletic, creative, generally happy, positive and one more adjective I wrote down that I can’t find. It was something good, I just don’t remember..:-) Otherwise, I’m actually from NJ, but living in Key West for a few months and hoping to relocate to Delray Beach in late March or April.
I’m excited about the next phase of my life, and hoping to meet someone great to share it with. I figure I’ve paid enough money to Match over the years and have met like – 3 people all together, so at this point, I figure I’m owed someone really, really good and I signed back up to collect. Will get back to this in a few minutes, that has got to be 50 words, right?
Okay, I thought that was ok, don’t you think?
Friendly, fun and fancy free.
I’m a nice guy, your mom will love me, I travel well and you can’t go wrong.
(Wrong.)
Other than some strange dentist named Frank from Pittsburgh who kept sending me "winks", no one else seemed to notice. (sorry Frank – wrong team, but good luck)
And you know what?
I started to get pissed. So one night, at around the 30 day mark, at about 3 am – I deleted the above – and in one ferociously fast 10 minute stream of consciousness ridiculous rant, replaced it with this:
Dating Profile #2:
3 Things you Wouldn’t know just looking at me:
- I’m really broke
- I’m an excellent tennis player
- I can see Auras. Mine is purple – which means I’m friendly, open but yet still a little bit mysterious.
Sort of like Lorenzo Lamas on the show Renegade if you are at all familiar with it. (the one where he plays a good cop who is forced to testify against his partner, becomes and outcast, and ends up as a bounty hunter roaming the countryside for bad guys, all while trying to ultimately clear his good name.)
In many ways the last year of my life has been somewhat similar – although I use a bicycle – and I don’t have the long haired Indian dude for a partner. Not that I would be against it – I just haven’t met one who is compatible. I’ll get to the rest of this in a few minutes.
It’s strange, I really thought I was going to be a bigger hit on here – but apparently I vastly overestimated my online appeal.
I mean – I photograph pretty well, and have an usually poetic command of the English language, so you would think, simply on that basis alone I would have gotten more than 4 winks in 5 weeks. ( I’m not including the 2 from Frank the dentist in Pittsburgh) I guess it’s pretty safe to be scribbling all of this pretty low down on my profile page, because – at this point, I’m fairly sure no one else is reading.
I might start to sort of use this space for little personal reminders, birthdays I need to remember, to do lists, etc – just to get my 68 bucks worth. I’m really glad I didn’t sign up for the Dr. Phil added little up sell thingy too – I considered it, but at this point, it would sort of add insult to injury.
Although you could argue the little member spotlight thing might be a good investment – above the fold online real estate get’s like 50% more clicks, and I look pretty good framed in yellow.
I’m trying to think if there is anything else I’d like to say here – I’ve still got 2075 words and plenty of energy even though it’s 230 am – one of the nefarious side effects of killing a 24 oz wawa coffee after midnight. I’ll tell you what – I’m going to take a short break, and I’ll be back in few minutes to talk more to myself.
This actually feels pretty good. If you are reading this far, look – let’s be honest: the chances are you probably aren’t getting much mail either – seriously – this is very cathartic – give it a try, you’ll feel better, I promise.
Anyway, I guess like other contemporary creative modern geniuses, I often feel like I’m sort of misunderstood. Jon Bon Jovi had a whole chapter on this in his autobiography, and it’s really very true.
I also look great in fall colors and occasionally shoplift. (it’s a victimless crime) But only small stuff that no one misses – i.e. – bulk food isle, blistex and other overpriced lip balms, lifesavers and occasionally those small pocket sized halogen light bulbs which are criminally expensive. I promise not to hide anything in your pocketbook on the way out – I learned the hard way that is one of the fastest ways to blow an otherwise promising relationship.
Otherwise, I’m finding it difficult to meet new people these days as I work long hours during the week, and spend my weekends watching Marathons of this new show called "The Locator" – which is where the host travels around the world reuniting people who have never met, i.e. – brothers/sisters/mothers/sons/daughters, etc. It’s very emotional, and all the crying wears me down so it’s tough to bar hop afterwards.
Plus I always wonder why it makes me so blubbery especially considering I know everyone in my family, including some that I would have preferred were misplaced at birth.
Anyway – I guess what I’m trying to say is that if we meet and hit it off well, you would ideally be ok with hanging out, drinking a few bottles of wine, and holding me while I sob uncontrollably at the TV for reasons that remain a bit unclear.
Ridiculous Rant Over
Now – I’m going to be honest with you - I was SURE this was going to be online dating suicide.
As a matter of fact, I was actually pretty sure they were going to reject it, or delete the whole thing in the morning.
But they didn’t.
And it wasn’t.
Because when I checked my mail at about noon the next day, I had 5 new messages.
And by 4 I had 15.
And by that night – I literally had so much new mail, that I realized the days of browsing Craiglist for wedding and bar mitzvah dates were long over..:-)
Here is the thing -
Being outrageous works.
Being boring doesn’t. And while this whole blog post is a bit tongue in cheek (although the above is completely true) one of the recurring themes that comes up on here, in the comments and questions, in conversations with prospective clients – or copy critiques or whatever, is in the art and science of saying stuff thats interesting, inventive, informative AND entertaining. (because not one in 100 truly is)
There is NOTHING more important, right now, in your business than learning how to take the road less traveled when it comes to coming up with, and crafting your content in creative ways that convert.
Nothing. And as the "conversational marketing model" keeps evolving (because trust me….the days of the long ass sales letter and guru "perched" on top of his or her high horse WITHOUT having to come down and talk to the masses.…….are coming quickly to a close) being creative, and standing OUT is the ONE skill worth honing.
It’s interesting, because I remember a few years ago, the "marketing mantra" online was that CREATIVITY was to be avoided. Don’t be creative. You aren’t trying to entertain people. You’re trying to sell stuff.
Wrong. It was bullshit then, and it’s bullshit now.
Today….those very same people are trying to scamper around to find creative, entertaining and INTERESTING things to say to offer the appearance, of being interesting..:-)
(I bought a TwitterMarketing course this weekend that was 50% + a collection of cool resources where you could hijack the funny, witty or pithy stuff OTHER people said to make yourself look follow worthy..:-)
Why not learn how to become AUTHENTICALLY interesting, rather than working on parroting and promoting the pithiness of other people. I truly don’t get that at all.)
The #1 thing I learned from Dan Kennedy (the brilliant direct response marketing "teacher") is that creating a CHARACTER is not only the most important part of writing copy, it’s the most important facet of creating an identity that endures.
- It’s more than brand.
- It’s more than a logo.
- It’s more important than the words you choose.
- It’s more important than layout, typography or pictures you paste to push your products.
- It’s the resonance…….the way that what you write, sell or say affects people to want to participate in your process because they IDENTIFY with the message. (and ultimately, the messenger)
Look at some of the very best marketers you see out there today.
They don’t have any secrets.
There is probably nothing being sold in any course you can buy ANYWHERE online that can’t be found on some forum, or some blog post, or some you tube tutorial.
The ONLY thing you can’t find is the creativity.
The character that drives the dance.
The devil….is INDEED in the details.
The willingness to stand up and say something sensational, be a bit outrageous and take your chances. . And I truly can’t think of anyone out there worth learning from, that’s not doing something outrageous as a "core" part of their story, or identity.
And that you have to manufacturer on your own
So what are the best ways to START being a bit more outrageous with your offers?
- Fake it till you make it! Start small. Just try saying some stuff differently than other people in your niche, industry or category. Does your sales letter say "the jealously and closely guarded secrets" anywhere in it? If yes, take it out, burn it up and start again. Be original and for be genuine and for god’s sake, be yourself. People CRAVE authenticity, and you can be OUTRAGREOUSLY authentic without cracking a joke or a smile.
- Be Passionate: There is nothing more interesting than passion. You want to know what’s outrageous? Tellman Knudson running across the country to raise 100 million dollars for homeless kids. BAREFOOT. It doesn’t have to be FUNNY, to be so outrageous that you can’t help but pay attention, and want to participate.
- You CAN Create a compelling Character…and yet still be authentically "you"
- This blog? I’m not "me" necessarily that writes these posts. My real life is a complete and utter disaster. I have a terrible sense of direction. I haven’t changed my lucky argyle socks since the Phillies made the playoffs. (last season..:-) I have intimacy issues and spend a fair amount of my free time applying to different reality based Ghost hunting television shows that never call me back.
I’ve got plenty of fears, failures and frailties that don’t ever see the printed pixel.
But the authenticity is in my genuine desire to help people I don’t know - in my firm belief that I can help ANYONE turn their passion into profit....that Im damn good at it – and my steadfast belief that in a sordid sea of overpriced and over hyped copywriters and online marketing gurus du jour – my worst stuff is often superior to many of the fancy pants piss ants products and promoters that have your money in their pockets.
The key takeaway is it’s okay to be a fuck up – if you’re really good at what you do. (and many of you ARE really, really good at what you do)
And being outrageous doesn’t mean being "mean"
Laugh at yourself first. Being a "rich jerk" isn’t fun. It’s bad karma. It’s got no legs. It doesn’t last. Or if it does….I can’t imagine it feels too good.
I’d rather laugh at myself, outrageously, than be hurtful to others.
Ultimately, if you can laugh at your own expense, people WILL laugh with you AND for the long run.
And they’ll like you, too. And we already know that people do business with people they like.
I know, I know….you don’t have an OUTRAGEOUS bone in your body, right?
Go find stuff that is, and simply make it yours. Here is one the best OUTRAGEOUS and often funny sites with more copy writing "swipe" files than any overpriced product you’ll buy this year. (some of this may not be suitable for work – or those sensitive to profanity)
But Cracked.Com has built a HUGE fan base for great copy, fantastic "lists" and just a warm and welcoming dive into the abyss of the absurd. (A special note – if you are article marketing and can’t come up with a HUGE assortment of killer titles from the proven winners on this blog, you aren’t trying)
Use your BLOG as a bullhorn!
A few weeks ago, I had a fairly well known offline marketer (who I don’t know personally and had NO idea was reading this blog) offer me a substantial amount of money to write a series of short sales letters for a recurring, monthly newsletter he has coming out in 2010.
He has already paid a "premium" copywriter close to 5 figures for the primary sales letter, and quite frankly, it’s tacky, trite and terrible. The truth? This guy has such an over the top, fun personality as it is, and happens to be a pretty good writer to boot. He certainly doesn’t need me to amp UP the enthusiasm for what he’s got going on.
SAVE your money and start a blog and NOT one that’s a tepid collection of articles. Rather, capture the natural enthusiasm, and passion, and purpose you have for your offer.
That’s what sells.
Not a long skinny sales letter.
People want to believe.
And a blog is the best way to capture, communicate and BROADCAST that in a bodacious way that’s fun, free and touches people in the places that matter. (that didn’t sound good)
And you don’t have to be a Tony Robbins, or a Gary V. to make it work equally as well for you.
The bottom line is this -
People get so carried away with writing "copy" copy – and following formulaic ways to sell their stuff – when often, the "answer" to an an outrageously amazing improvement in your stuff is literally lying directly under your nose.
Tap into your inner – comedian – or exhibitionist – or whatever it is that makes you most unique – and use THAT as your primary motivator to make your marketing magical – and you’ll make more money, have more fun and be a whole hell of a lot more popular on match.com to boot.
18 Comments to "The Art of Outrageousness – What Online Dating Taught me About Killer Copy That Converts Like Crazy (No Gurus Required)
I like the profile. Back when I was dating, I wrote my first paragraph about how I just got out of prison and my parole officer suggested Match ….I had to make clear it was a joke. Got a great response. Later I added that I was looking for a narcisistic, super-model with low self esteem and a drug problem…I got tons of e-mail with that one too.
Best of luck, you’ll have no problem.
Thanks, Wayne. Interestingly – I really AM looking for a super-model with low self esteem and a drug problem. Although I won’t stand for narcissism. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Thanks for another entertaining informative post, Ian. I’m a firm believer in karma, so you must have
a lot of good days coming your way. We need more progressive thinkers like yourself in my neck of the woods.
Thanks, Ron – nice of you to say!
Great post, once again! You hit the nail on the head once again…and I don’t mean the dating thing. Being outrageous is not only fun, but necessary in a world filled with same-old-same-old people (marketers included). I first read the book “Marketing Outrageously” by Jon Spoelstra, and I think you just took a page from his book. If not everyone should take a gander at that book to expound on your post here, it’s a quick read.
Thanks again, Doug
Thank you Doug! (I’ve never heard of it – but will definitely check it out!) But if he’s got my dating profile in his book – I’m going to be pissed..:-)
Ian, a great post — in the tradition of Seth Godin’s “Purple Cow”. Keep it up!
Thank you, Blair!
Great post Ian – very entertaining too !!! You are right about being interesting in your posts online – funny is better and most of the stuff I read isn’t that funny !!! The problem is trying to be fun yet BELIEVABLE so people don’t think your a jerk who doesn’t know anything. I got scammed in my beginning days online by people with a sales letter so long it took an hour to read it and I hope that does change, you do need to be shorter and to the point – creatively !!!
Later – dude !!! Don’t catch anything (just kidding)
Deb
Thanks, Debbie!
Hi, Ian
Funny and to the point, thanks as always.
First thing I read from you since I vowed to take to hypnosis if I couldn’t start working online before my end-of-July birthday.
Well, I haven’t started yet and hypnosis CDs are quite interesting (I’m impressed by a Neil Fiore who manages to persuade one into self-compassion, self-honor, hope and perseverance – all with strictly corporate business wording! The ‘click’ must be my karma… anyway, at relevant moments the words ‘I shall achieve that goal – or something better’ or ‘I’m committed to THE PATH TO that goal’ do creep into my mind.. neat.)
The continuous failure to start, along with continuous body pains, nevertheless bring to light lots of interesting things – glad to understand them before I die, still hope to change.. And I might make a very good blog on WHY newbies drag their feet instead of starting, WHAT we ask REALLY when buying a painkiller, and what losing weight is all about… before I die? or sometime better!
About dating (just hearsay, I’m 66 and one single late husband did cure me of co-dependence and looking outside for fulfillment – your Mom might rightly say: ‘..and look at the result!’ ), I know a (now) very interesting woman whose love affairs were always a disaster so she decided to stop trying until.., then retreated without speaking to anyone for two whole years, while pondering and eating bags of black chocolate, taking hot baths at Calistoga and generally roaming the California countryside. She emerged as an incredibly effective and ego-less person, channeling reams of fantastic and to the point articles on her (free) website and (after reviewing and cancelling prospective mates coming down for her on the ‘dream 7 stairways’) she did manifest a man sticking to her (and fulfilled about it) who invented his part in sustaining her dream, until he found his own dream and how it was bound to hers – the process being quite scathing all along, as they document it or funnily tell of it.
I am not enlightened enough about stairways, but I read, heard and saw both of them and I like this amended version of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty – sleeping a lot or remaining sweet in adversity is not sufficient for princesses, after all – as for the Prince, he can’t rely on a single kiss playing the trick for ever after.
The best of luck, Ian.
Francoise
Thanks Francoise..:-) And I think I get it! (although I did re-read it a few times to make sure!) You need to start a blog (if you haven’t already) – as your comments (and emails) are always enlightening!
Thanks for this post!! I was going to feel guilty about posting in all caps, for example, but you made me feel better about doing so!!
xoxo
Iza
Thanks, Iza - I appreciate it and I’m glad I’ve made you feel better, too!
Fantastic post. I’d like to be as creative as you are. I promise I’ll try. Do you know Dean Hunt from deanhunt.com ? He’s a buzz marketing expert and has a lot of creative thinking and writing on his blog. I remember he made a dating experiement on Facebook, it might interest you.
I’ll come back for sure, your content is great. Oh and… how were your dates ?
Tom
Hi Tom – Thanks, I appreciate it!
(the dates – like most of my relationships – started great but ended badly..:-)
I have seen some of Dean’s stuff yes – not for a few years, but I remember reading something somewhere about one of those social media experiments a long while back. (I don’t pay that much attention to the IM space to be honest and I just don’t find many all that interesting!)
Fantastic post, Ian. Really funny, but I got the serious message. I’ll try being outrageous. I remember my mother saying “There’s something funny about that boy” so I’ve got it in me somewhere.
Thanks, Mike! (my mom said the same thing about me – unfortunately though, she still does..:-)