A Genuine Argument with an Imaginary Upsell

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This article would probably be titled the quickest way to tell that you are a hell of a lot dumber than you think you are.  ( I’m raising my hand right now if you can’t tell)

I guess I’ve got a little bit more free time than I realized, AND a bit deeper of a persistent confronational streak that I like to acknowledge.

Anyway – the point of this is I had a nasty, and frustrating exchange today when I was purchasing a new keyword tool to test. 

I tried to leave the page to reconsider whether I really needed it ( I had been using a 7 day free trial and really loved the speed and the underlying interface) – and of course, got hit with the live chat that was offering a once in a lifetime 50% off deal on an already pretty expensive product, and I guess I just thought it was just too good to pass up.

But – being a pretty smart shopper, I already knew the bonuses on the page were pretty attractive, and I simply wanted to make sure I was getting those on top of the 50% discount as well.

"I Have Been Guilty of Kicking Myself in the Teeth, I will Speak No More of My Feelings Beneath"

So I clicked "Chat".

What happened next is when things really started to go down the shitter – which is not unusual for my IM sessions with customer service types, because I like to lead things off with – "what are you wearing?" - mostly because I’m already used to that from a decade of 900 number calls and intrinsicly realize that time is money on these things.

Anyway – I wrote somethign to the effect of – "hi kathy – what are the bonuses associated with this item?’

To which she responded – " A, B and C"

To which I responded – "is there a difference in the premium vs the basic version other than the terms of payment?" (one was monthly – the other was for the year upfront)

To which she responded – " Why not give it a try today, click here!"

To which she then followed up with – "there are only 7 left at this price"

To which I responded – " oh, really? Are you sure about that?"

To which she responded – "if there’s nothing else I can help you with, click here and buy it before the bonus goes away!"

To which I responded – " There IS something you can help me with – WHAT is the difference between the premium and basic versions??" (notice the heavy cap use on my side of the conversation)

To which she responded – " there are only 7 left at this price"

To which I responded – "what about my question do you NOT understand?"

To which she responded – "if there is nothing else I can help you with, I’m going to go now"

To which I shook my head, and clicked on the little link at the bottom of the chat screen to take this simple question up with her superior.

 I will NOT be treated like a dummy by some girl with bright blue eyes and a beautiful online avatar. 

I’m important, and deserve to be treated that way.

To which I landed on a page selling intellichat’s automotatic page abandonement software system, where robotic scripts intuit your answers and try to appeal to your sense of value by offering you a deal too good to pass up. 

The shame swam over me in waves.

I just had a completely imaginary conversation. 

With myself. 

And twisted my panties up in the process. 

And I’m supposed to be giving other people advice.  If you are reading this blog for smart commentary, you have been given fair warning. 

There might be 2 people out of 100 who are that dumb, and unfortunately I’m not sure the other one is allowed internet access. 

I quietly paid for the product and slinked away, hoping that the bits and bytes weren’t getting a hearty laugh at my expense as I left.